The Other Side of Ouroboros
by HEW
Summary: A look at the events of the episode "Ouroboros" through the perspective of Golden Trance. What experiences caused her to change so drastically from her previously purple self?
1. Reflections

**A/N –** This is just a short reflection piece exploring what led Trance to change from the person she was in the beginning of the show to the person she became through the alternate timeline, coming back in Ouroborous. I, at least, felt a bit betrayed at first by the presence of this "new" Trance (as did Harper) and was glad when she softened up through the series becoming more like the Trance we originally knew and loved by season 5. But I wanted to look at things through the "new" Trance's point of view – what had she gone through? How did she feel coming back?

**The Other Side of Ouroboros**

**Reflections**

**T**he end was near. A grim silence had settled between them, leaving them to the weight of their own thoughts. There was a shift in the tension they

normally lived with – they both knew they couldn't keep running much longer. But Trance knew in a way Beka could not – their time was up. She rarely

looked to the future anymore – it had become too dark; there had been nothing much there worth seeing. For many years she had constrained herself

to living in the present. The past…the past was simply too painful to look back on. The people, the friendships, the love that had magnified her purpose

lay buried in her failures. But whether she would look or no, fate would not be denied and she could feel its dark and inescapable fist closing around

them. She thought she could see the last threads of possible futures slipping through its tightening grasp – her final failure. As if in valediction, she

closed her eyes and sifted through the long deserted memories she had once treasured but which had been obscured by loss - the teasing and jokes

with Harper, Rev Bem's patience and wisdom, the goodness hiding behind Tyr's pretenses, Rommie's unflagging support and competence, the home

that Andromeda had given them all, even the long dead designation of being Beka's "lucky charm"… but most painful of all were the memories of Dylan -

the light she saw in him, the way he could inspire all of them, make them believe in the impossible - that good really would triumph over evil because

they could make that happen. All turned to ashes.

.

**T**heir downfall had begun with Harper's death – triggering a chain reaction of loss and change she had been powerless to stop. It should never have

happened – it was, of course, a possible future, the majority of possible futures always included at least one of their deaths. But that's what she'd

been there for – to subtly guide the crew, thread them through the eye of the right future the way Beka led them through the slipstream – always

bringing them safely to where they needed to be. But Harper's tesseract machine had failed. He had hung on for a while longer as Trance feverishly but

futilely attacked her bonsai. In the end Tyr had kept his promise. Dylan had taken it personally and had been furious with himself, but Beka had been

utterly devastated – Trance had seen the invisible walls slowly come back up, her trust beginning to erode. Rommie, who had sometimes seemed to

take her engineer for granted as an annoying necessity, seemed bewildered and distracted. The fact of the matter was that none of them could do

what Harper had done, the Andromeda suffered without his expert attentions and that had left them…vulnerable.

.

**H**owever, it was Trance's reaction which had been the most startling, and in the end the most dangerous. As her sorrow over Harper leeched the joy

from her heart and fear began to overcome her faith, her color began to drain away. Yes, she was maturing, but not in a natural or expected way. She

guessed it was simply because it wasn't fun being purple anymore. But the most damaging consequence was that Trance had begun to lose her

confidence. She had been so shocked, so blind-sided by her failure, her inability to undo this and find a better future that she began to second guess

herself. She hesitated even more to share what she knew, or thought she knew. With each small problem or mistake that came up afterwards, her faith

in herself and in her abilities evaporated.

.

**I**t had been Tyr's death on Shintaido that had jolted her back to action. Her doubt and self-confusion had kept her silent and she knew that he had died

because of it. The risk of death, (while he oft seemed to believe his own to be impossible), was something Tyr was always prepared for, and at the last,

would accept with grace as long as he had first battled it ferociously down to the last twitch of his fibers. The fact that he had died in vain, serving no

greater purpose and that because of Trance's own cowardice, she knew he never would have forgiven. She was horrified by how she had dishonored

him in this and vowed not to stand back any longer but to take the future into her own hands. No longer would she strive to guide others in how they

shaped the future with her cryptic hints, her subtle suggestions, her lucky guesses – what had to be done she would now do herself. She stepped

rawly into her own power – power the others had only seen glimpses of and wondered at. It was in this decision that her trust that the universe would

unfold as it should died a quiet death, alone and unnoticed.

.

**D**espite everything, it had seemed for a while that they might still succeed in the end. Dylan was, after all, a powerful force in the Universe, a light that

could not easily be snuffed out. The Commonwealth was reforming, and delegates from all of the new member worlds had come to the Andromeda

Ascendant to officially ratify the Charter. Trance had begun to think that perhaps "exerting her will on the Universe" as Tyr would have put it, was

something she should have done long ago when _another_ Universe opened up out of nowhere as if to say, "Oh no, you don't." As the massive alien fleet

swarmed through the dimensional tunnel, the representatives scattered like stardust and the first breath of a new life was snatched away, the

Commonwealth a dream stillborn. As she and Beka had executed their last ditch attempt to seal the breach between universes, they had instead,

sealed their fate as the resulting explosion ripped the Andromeda to pieces. Dylan's death had been the death of hope, the death of a myriad of

possible futures in which good and light and truth triumphed. Without him, their options for achieving that end had become severely limited. Still, neither

she nor Beka were the type to give in, even with the jackboot of fate crushing their windpipes. They had done the only thing they could do – what

Dylan would have wanted them to do – they carried on. They survived. They even had a plan, of sorts, eventually. One small, last hope to bring an end

to the Magog world ship, even if the dream of bringing justice, peace and civilization through the Commonwealth had passed beyond their grasp. But

every attempt they made to find and obtain what was needed went wrong. They simply were not meant for the task – without Dylan, they lacked the

key to open the right path. Every where they turned they met with increasing resistance, violence and luck so impossibly bad it was hard not to take it

personally.

.

**A**s time went by, it seemed they had nothing to show for their efforts but the piece after piece of Beka which lay buried in the wake of their misfortunes.

In a way Trance had felt buried too, by the crushing press of her defeat – not only in letting her friends down, letting the Universe down, but letting the

Divine down. She had failed not only to keep them on the right track but to keep them alive, to keep _him_ alive and with that she had failed to fulfill her

mission, the very purpose the Divine had brought her into being for. As options and possible futures had evaporated from existence with each wrong

turn, further negating her purpose, she had begun to fight only to exist one more day_, _to survive in the moment only – neither looking backward nor

forward. Well, for a little more than that, she thought now, glancing at her grim-visaged, red-haired friend. She existed to keep Beka alive, what was

left of her, in their futile search for the Engine. The one friend who had been too tough, too canny to fall even as the others paid the price for Trance's

naïve mistakes. Yes, Beka was the one thing she had left to fight for, even if it was just this one last day.


	2. Return

**Return**

**T**rance's morose reflections came to an abrupt end as blaring alarms fractured the short peace. "Kaldarens!" Beka spat, grabbing her gun as she

jumped from the pilot's seat, an armed and ready Trance just a hair's breadth behind her.

oOo

**S**uddenly, in the midst of battle, Trance sensed something almost unfamiliar now. Ducking for cover, she opened her soul and reached out into the

realm of the possible…there! A spark, a tiny light in the near engulfing darkness. Not pausing to question its presence, she grabbed at it fiercely, almost

savagely, clutching it to her as if it might struggle to escape her. Standing to return fire she felt the universe shift around her. She was still on the Maru,

the Kaldarens were still firing, Beka was still there to her right, swearing up the usual blue storm and suddenly Beka was there on her left as well.

.

**T**rance instantly comprehended the miracle she had been granted. The realization sparked glimmers of gratitude and wonder, sensations she had

become hardened to in the preceding years, but she set them firmly aside, knowing now was the moment to act, not feel, if she was to divert the chain

of catastrophe they were poised to repeat. With an intense focus, she dealt with the immediate obstacle of the Kaldarens, then paused to get the lay

of the moment.

****.

**A**nd right there before her, was her friend, her only companion of the past dreadful years, looking so young, so fresh, so whole compared to the

cybernetic compilation she'd become. "Beka! I forgot how beautiful you were." And then she faced herself. She surveyed her past self dispassionately,

with no pity for the innocence that had led to death for so many. Their conversation was terse, to the point. Admirably, the younger Trance did not

hesitate to sacrifice her associations, her future or her own dreams to follow the right path. After a brief farewell to a very confused Beka, she turned

and was gone. So. It was done. But so much of importance was teetering on this thin, temporal point, and it would all fail again without her taking

control of events immediately. Her "let's go" to Beka, born of years of efficient trust between the two of them, brought only a stubborn demand for

understanding. With as much patience as she could muster, Trance gave her the bottom line, and Beka followed, racing to find Harper.

****oOo

**I**t had not been much of a shock meeting herself and Beka, albeit different versions of themselves, but Harper – that was Harper standing there!

Harper, who had been dead for so long. Who was now alive, and real and…about not to be. If there were to be any time for reunions she must get him

to that machine now! But she had been moving people around like inanimate chess pieces for so long, that his resistance surprised her. It was

irrational to be hurt that he didn't trust her, that he wasn't happy to see her as she was to see him, but also irrational to waste energy on that hurt

now, there was almost no time left! What did *anyone's* feelings matter if he just died again? She had no patience for their need to be coaxed into

cooperation with satisfactory explanations. Her order came curt and harsh, giving nothing away except the urgency of just trusting and following her.

****oOo

**F**inally, everything was coming together. Everyone in the right place at the right moment to divert the future that should never have begun here. And all

they could do was talk! Prattle and ponder, and weigh and deliberate and that silly Perseid waving a gun around – there was no time for this, didn't

they understand that?! She had told them the truth, giving them the chance to make the right call and act but apparently, now was not the time to stop

taking the Universe into her own hands, especially since she alone understood the consequences of this moment. Silently, she moved towards Harper's

invention, her focus causing all else to become as a painted backdrop around her, their vain babble fading from her ears. Trance felt aglow with light

again as she moved in tune with the will of the Divine, turning the tide of her history. Aim. Shoot. Simple. Harper lives.

****.

**H**er talk with Dylan had gone better than she had expected. Although she couldn't *absolutely* know that saving Harper would fix everything, it felt

right to her. She knew Dylan would let her stay. What she hadn't been prepared for was the need to make a place for herself among the crew, her own

family. Although she did not express herself so exuberantly as she had when she was younger, her heart rejoiced at being returned to them all. To

know that she wasn't really trusted by any of them was difficult. Trance wandered around Hydroponics, renewing her acquaintance with her old plant

friends the way one might look back at the toys one loved as a child. She had her quarters on Andromeda again, as well as her bunk on the Maru, but

somehow she felt more comfortable spending the night in her old haunt. After so many years of being constantly ready for hopeless battle, she didn't

quite know how to relax. But it was quiet here and the miracles this day had brought left her feeling a peace she had almost forgotten. Her plants still

recognized her touch, still trusted her care, and if her friends didn't yet, then she would do everything she could to make sure that they all lived long

enough to do so.


End file.
